Are you being true to yourself?

I asked this question now to myself everyday, maybe a few times a day. I think about my life, about me. I have noticed the deeper I go into my true Self I respond to things in my life in a more authentic manner. I react or act from a place that is from my soul and there is no uncomfortableness, insecurity, or question if I did the right thing. I did the true thing. I did what was the only thing I could do when I listen to my soul or my higher self. It came from within me.

My next question is am I behaving in a way that I think people are going to accept me or where I accept myself? There are two sides to this coin people would say, don't you have to behave in certain ways that is acceptable to society, for example like telling someone the truth about their ugly dress or that you just don't like them for whatever reason, or just wanting to tell someone to quit their whining this is the way it is so live with it. The other side to this is that if you know yourself enough and what your intentions are that this type of conundrum wouldn't occur. Because your true self doesn't come from intentions or thoughts it just comes from within.

I will get back to this thing about intentions. But first I want to talk a little bit about our true self.

What I am trying to get at with this blog and what I am trying to find that pure self that I was born with, the one without all the conditioning of life. If I look into myself now I can see a light that sometimes gets darkened but for the most part keeps me pure. This I have done through extended meditations and truly sitting and being alone to understand who I am. What do I think about? What do I focus my time to? What do I do for myself? I know we live in a busy world but having something that is truly your own, something that you like to do, whatever it is, is very important during this process. I recommend doing something very monotonous. Like Knitting, sanding, painting, artwork, writing, or any other medium you want to use to express yourself. I am currently working on making grass. Yup as crazy as it sounds I one day had a vision of having grass in my apartment so I went to the fabric store and bought green silk and I am cutting it slowly and letting it grow. As it grows I grow. As I see myself coming out of me onto a medium that I can see and feel I feel closer to seeing a part of myself that may have been hidden. I also feel more patient and more focused. Getting into my soul and pushing this thing out whatever that may be has in part showed how my inner voice can come out. Sometimes its not through words sometimes its just about creating. Creating anything.

So with this practice I have come to see my intentions clearer, because I have looked in myself and saw one thing that I wanted to let out in another form. It is helped me to know. Just know.

Now lets look at intentions. As things start becoming clearer in my mind I start to see where my intentions come from. Lets say that I decided to make that grass. Well its stupid right? waste of time? Well these are some of the thoughts I had. Even to the point where when I went to purchase the material and the salesman asked me what this was for I said for pillow covers. Why did I do that. Why was I afraid to be my true self. Why was I afraid to say I am making grass. This can go down two ways. You may say its none of his business and you just don't want to get into it. But if I said that I would be lying. That is not the reason, that was not where my intention came from. It really came from the fact that I just didn't want to be judged. Now if my intention was I wanted to keep it to myself that would have been fine, but I knew it came from fear of being accepted from someone outside of me and not from inside of me. Right there in that second I showed a fear of being myself. I still want to say to myself that it came from it not being his business. But I truly know this is a lie.

That's what intentions are. And that is what we must learn in order to understand where we are coming from when we say or do things.

So lets take the previous examples that I talked about earlier. Telling someone about their ugly dress. Well this one is simple if I know my true self, I know why I was saying that, and it would come out into the world with that intention. We are so good at hiding our intentions that we don't even know it most of the time. So I ask myself do I want to tell her to make her feel bad? Am I saying that because I am jealous that I couldn't afford that dress? Or do I just say it to myself to make me feel better about my dress so I can feel superior. These thoughts are your true self and looking at them shows your intentions.

Understanding my underlying attention has been significant at this point. And don't lie to yourself. The truth is there and the more you get into your Self the more you will understand the reactions you have and the things you say and why you do what you do? It is freeing to say the least. But again all this takes time. Slowly, continuously, like water against a rock. It will slowly erode it. So I ask myself a few times a day, what was my intention was it to be acceptable to others or acceptable to me. I have to look at myself in the mirror. I have to live with myself. And I want to be proud of myself.

This is a perfect time to talk about wall street. When you live in a world where everything is about money. Everyday everyone is talking about what they bought what they have what they want to buy. Soon you fall into a world that that is acceptable conversation everyday. And because of that you may lose sight of yourself or your business. You are trying to get bigger and richer. And there is nothing wrong with that. But the intention there was for greed, to be better than the other person because of money. People lost sight of who they were. Their intentions were called out because they were for a self that is not pure it is for the ego. And that only lasts so long.